Taking one for the team.

So when L was around 20 months old, we had a trip planned to Vietnam.

The only problem? Saign was having a ton of back pain. He got an MRI which showed a herniated disc, but he couldn’t get in to see the back-doctor-guy until after our trip. He told me he wasn’t sure he wanted to go on the trip. To me this didn’t make sense: He could be in pain at home (lame) or be in pain in Vietnam (less lame). But he was worried that the flight would set him back and make his back pain worse, so he told me he wasn’t sure that he wanted to go on the trip to Vietnam.

I called in a favor to a sports medicine doctor, who squeezed him in 2 days before our trip. I just wanted him to give Saign an opinion on if the flight would really make things worse for him, because I truly believed that Saign would be happier recovering in Vietnam vs recovering at home.

Saign came back from the doctor and said, “Well, he said that if I go, I’ll really be taking one for the team.”

TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM?

TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM?

What kind of a delusional world was this man living in? And seriously, just what Saign needs, a doctor stroking his ego.

Saign soaked it up. He looooooooved the idea that he’d be so selfless and “taking one for the team” by traveling with us to Vietnam. He repeated it over and over to me, to our friends, and I’m sure in his head as well.

Now, let me tell you the reality: Did I want Saign to go on this trip? Yes. Was it because it would HELP me? No! Are you kidding me? I’m perfectly comfortable traveling alone with my child. I wanted Saign to come to Vietnam because I thought he’d be happier in Vietnam. But would it be helpful to me? Absolutely not. (He couldn’t carry the kid or the luggage, and he doesn’t do any of the planning or research, so without his brute strength – which he didn’t have because of the back pain – , he really would not be of much use to me).

Saign did decide to come to Vietnam, and the flight over didn’t set back his recovery, and he got better and better every day.

I had planned a 2 day trek in Sapa about a week after arriving in Vietnam. I wasn’t sure if Saign would feel up to coming on the trek with me. When I originally planned it, I imagined that one of us would carry our clothes and necessities, and the other would carry L. The trek involved hiking for several hours through rice fields and hills for two days in a row. When I asked Saign if he planned to come to Sapa, he said he didn’t want to go. Since he was getting better and would be staying in Hanoi with air conditioning and no particular plan, and I was going to be hiking around miles of rice fields in the heat, I asked him if he would take L. You know, so he could “take one for the team.” He absolutely refused and acted as if I was insane for asking. He said he needed to rest and recover and that taking care of L would prevent him from doing so.

Ah, Taking one for the team!

On the night that the trip to Sapa was to begin, L and I got in a taxi and took it to a bus station to head to Sapa for an overnight bus trip. The bus would take 6 hours. L fell asleep in the taxi. I got onto the overnight bus where I was told I’d have a bed to sleep on. Unfortunately, the reality was that the “bed” was like a tiny tight coffin. AND I had a toddler with me, so I had to keep toys and snacks plus the toddler in the coffin with me.

L woke up when I tried to squeeze into the coffin on the bus. After that, she refused to lie down and go to sleep. We were crowded and uncomfortable in our little bus coffin. I remember she kept standing up and then belly flopping onto me instead of sleeping. At around 2am, utterly exhausted, L started crying, waking up the whole bus. I was mortified.

The bus arrived in Sapa at 3am and L was still crying. We were allowed to stay on the bus to sleep until morning, but since my child was disturbing everyone around us, I got off and wandered around Sapa in the dark. Thankfully, the bus station was open so once L quieted, I went in the station and attempted to sleep on a plastic chair. I did not sleep, but thankfully L did.

Later that morning, after having not slept at all, I met my guide and hiked for miles through rice fields in the heat with L on my back and our clothes and necessities strapped to me. It was a slog. I worthwhile slog, but still definitely a slog.

We arrived at our host home after our first day of hiking, and there was nothing for L to play with or do. (I certainly hadn’t been able to pack toys with me in addition to our clothes, necessities, and L…in fact, I PURPOSELY left my toothbrush in Sapa city to reduce the load that I had to carry…though I went on to regret that choice…). At dinner, L fell off a chair and onto a concrete floor, breaking the chair in the process. I was reprimanded for allowing her on the chair. She ended up playing with beer bottles because it was the only thing there for her to play with.

Meanwhile, Saign wandered around Hanoi and met some strangers who first invited him to eat and drink with them and then invited him to karaoke. While at karaoke, the men he was hanging out with asked him which of the karaoke hostesses he preferred. At first Saign didn’t understand why they were asking him this. Then he noticed his new friends were leaving with the female hosts one at a time. Yes, it turned out he was at a brothel. You know, a karaoke brothel.

So yes, Saign really took one for the team! What would our team have done if he hadn’t made it to the karaoke brothel that day? What a travesty that would have been.